Always and Forever
by Kiora1
Summary: Three words, a vow, an oath, a promise...
1. No Regret

Prelude-No Regrets  
  
They both lay there on the lush green grass. The sun shone and the birds sang. In the distance the sound of water flowed happily in its banks and it was there that they were to say their good-byes.  
  
:At least it's not in the snow, or raining.: The softly spoken thought echoed in his head and he looked down into the pain-filled blue eyes.  
  
"I'd rather be riding through that then facing this moment, and you know it." He ran his hand softly through her ivory mane.  
  
:It can't be helped and you know it. You knew this day would come.:  
  
"I also thought we would be going together, or at the very least that you would follow me into death." A tear ran down his face. "How do I go on? You are everything to me. I can't be a Herald without you."  
  
:I don't expect you to. But I do want you to try. This land still needs you and another will come along. Another will stand beside you.:  
  
"I want you, only you." The Companion strained her neck upwards and softly lipped at her Chosen's hair. He lay down beside her, touching her and she relaxed.  
  
:Do you have any regrets, looking back at the life we've shared? Would you have said no to me?:  
  
"Never."  
  
:I love you.:  
  
"Always and forever." He felt her take her last breath and pass on. Nothing could have saved her, it would have only prolonged the anguish. He stayed by her, quietly resting.  
  
He would have had every right to curse and scream at those who had led to this. To the queen, who sent them into unknown land; to the partner that had been too injured to go on; or to the people that had created the poison that had killed the love that lay still in his hands. But he didn't.  
  
He wouldn't, for to do so was to cheapen their final moments. The world went on around him, not noticing the sorrow that shaped the young soul. It was nothing to them and finally he was able to stand and he started to dig. It took him well into the night, as he had to fight off scavengers as well as dig, but finally at dawn he placed her in her final resting point.  
  
He didn't think twice about leaving her tack on. It was a part of her and showed her love for him as well as her duty. It symbolized her willingness to protect and fight with him and the trust that was given when she allowed him to take control. But he took from her pack a pair of ordinary clothes. No white, no scarlet, no blue or green. He replaced the uniform he wore with them, shedding the white for black and brown.  
  
He folded the clothes and laid them beside her and covered them all with dirt. He had almost finished when his partner came riding in. The other Herald stayed on his Companion's back and watched as the last patch of white was covered and a body dropped to its knees.  
  
They could only watch as the words were spoken.  
  
An oath, a prayer, a vow.  
  
"Always and forever, there are no regrets." He slumped over, exhaustion finally claiming his body. The last thing his body felt was a pair of arms bringing him to another Companion and the movements that lulled him to sleep as they headed back to a place that he could no longer call home. 


	2. To Live

To Live  
  
When he woke up he wasn't surprised to see a man in green leaning over him. Nor was he surprised by the silence in his head. He turned away from the distant, concerned expression that all Healers had mastered. He toned out the questions and sighed.  
  
Why had they bothered to bring him back here? The one thing that mattered was now long gone, buried in the earth.  
  
A hand grabbed his chin and he was forced to look into the eyes of a truly concerned Lady. She wore all white and a gold circlet held her auburn hair back. She was speaking, if the movement of her mouth was anything to go by, but he didn't hear anything.  
  
But his mind told him something else. His ears may not be listening, but his other senses didn't understand the situation and wanted answers. It reached out and caught snatches of thoughts.  
  
"...it's shock, the body is trying..." ".can he even hear us." "The question is.." "..does he want to."  
  
He toned them down as well and closed his eyes. He wouldn't sleep, couldn't sleep. It was too quiet. But the hands on him seemed to have other ideas, as did the lady they were attached to. He was physically dragged out of bed and cold water was splashed in his face.  
  
He reacted and jumped up and out of the grip of the one holding him. Her hands let go, but a pair of strong arms wrapped themselves around him instead. He couldn't turn to see who was holding him, he only knew that he couldn't get away from this grip. The only warning he had that water was again going to be thrown at him was when he saw the lady moving, then he was struck by the icy blast and brought back down into reality.  
  
Talking erupted around him and he shook in the arms holding him, gasping.  
  
"Can you hear me, Kayah? Just tell me you can hear me." He looked at the lady and nodded. Her eyes showed relief. "You have to say it Kayah, just say yes."  
  
"Yes." It took him a few tries before it came out, but when it did he saw her relax completely and sink into a chair someone else had brought. He looked around and saw another young man in white, the man in green, a young lady in white and whoever was holding him.  
  
He shook his head and tried to clear it, but it didn't seem to work. He heard them speaking and didn't realize they were addressing him until the one holding him shook him slightly.  
  
He looked at the lady curiously.  
  
"Kayah, do you remember what happened?" He didn't understand and cocked his head to the side. He saw her bite her lip and then try again. "Do you remember her?" He shook his head. This seemed to upset the other girl in white because she came closer and started yelling.  
  
"How can you not remember your own Companion? The one who Chose you and protected you? You buried her!" He understood. They were talking about the voice that had been in his head. The beautiful blue voice that had.  
  
No he couldn't think of that.  
  
"Always and forever." He whispered. The room went silent and the one holding him tensed. The anger drained from the girl and tears took their place.  
  
"You do remember. Can you tell us what happened?" He shook his head. How could he talk to them about it? He had fixed the problem, it was dealt with, don't make him bring it back up!  
  
He felt himself lifted off the ground but didn't look up. He was placed in a chair on the other side of the room. Finally he could see whom the arms belonged to. It was a tall man, with short blond hair and gray eyes. He was well muscled and wore dark leather armor. He looked down at him and then moved slightly away, but still blocking him from leaving the chair.  
  
"It will no longer be a problem. This child can not speak of it right now, but from what I can feel, no other will die from it." The man spoke to the rest of the room, but Kayah didn't care, he looked down at his hands and saw faintly, the dirt that still rested under his nails. Where had it come from? There was no dirt in the room.  
  
"Can you at least tell us what 'it' was?" The man shook his head and in the chair behind him, the boy scratched at his nails. The voices faded again, to be replaced by his own ragged breathing. He remembered the dirt. He remembered watching the white disappear underneath it, the blue eyes closing forever. He placed the dirt there. He left her to die, but she was already dead. Right? It came in flashes, the poison on the arrow, the impact into her chest.  
  
The fall to the ground and the scramble to his feet. Watching them walk back to the village and following.  
  
Seeing them drinking with the finished poison ready in the middle of the square. Their minds telling him this was all there was. The torch. The fire. The death. Theirs. Hers.  
  
He collapsed in the chair, but before he hit the arms were holding him again, but the silence remained and the blue eyes closed.  
  
***  
  
When she had first heard the news, Juscine had not wanted to believe it. One of her Heralds had lost his Companion and was still alive. The news had spread quickly and within a candlemark anyone who wore white or gray knew.  
  
The Death Bell had rung shortly after and with it, they shared Kayah's anguish. All had thought it would be a matter of mending a shredded heart. None had expected what they would find. Yes they had expected a lot of work, but they had not expected this shattered soul, this split being, which didn't recognize them or himself.  
  
Looking back she realized that they should have expected it. He had lost a Companion and had lived, though no one knew how. At first they had feared that he had left his body, that it would be kinder to let his body pass on as well. But then he spoke.  
  
'Always and forever.'  
  
It had stopped them cold and convinced them that he was in there, somewhere. For that was Kayah's promise. The words he spoke that no one took seriously when he was younger. Even when he was older. They were the words that had bound him to a daughter that had been a pawn in a woman's twisted revenge. They were the words that led him to travel three countries to say good-bye to a dying mother. They were the words that many Heralds held dear and they were the words that had sent his Companion to her death.  
  
She sat and watched as Lukian held the unconscious body again. Something had triggered his memories and it hurt to watch him in pain. To stay here would drive him mad, but where else could he go. Lukian looked up at her as if reading her thoughts.  
  
"He's coming with me." The two other Heralds were opening their mouths to protest, but she silenced them.  
  
"He will be a burden and where you are headed is never an easy path." He smiled grimly at this.  
  
"That I know, but the destination will be a better place for him to heal. It will be something he hasn't had to deal with before and may give him a chance at a new life."  
  
"Even a life so much shorter than any he would find there?" This time the smile was for real.  
  
"That, my Lady, shall be seen." He flicked his hair back and revealed the two pointed ears. Elves had only recently involved themselves with Valdemar, or anyone across the sea. They had been waiting for the land to heal from the Mage Wars, before they dealt with the humans on this side. She knew Lukian through her father and trusted him. Kayah would be safe with him.  
  
"Good luck and I hope one day he will be able to come home." She walked over and lightly kissed Kayah on the forehead, before turning and leading everyone else out of the room. She didn't look back, but knew the others did. They would probably never see him again.  
  
***  
  
Lukian watched the humans leave and looked down at the young one in his arms. He was a lovely little thing, with dark blond hair and tanned skin. He didn't look the innocent little child, no. He was a fighter. It was told in the sharp green eyes and the scar along the right side of the face. The feel of the calluses on his hands and the muscle that showed slightly in his wiry frame.  
  
It was a true crime to feel the pain that radiated from him, now that he was asleep and his guard was down. This was the part of his soul that understood what had happened. This was the part he wanted to heal.  
  
The only question was would the child let him?  
  
He didn't dwell on that thought; rather he got ready to leave. His boat was waiting and the sooner they left the better. He passed a soldier in the hallway and grimaced. And not just because of the iron, because he wanted to have sweets that wouldn't kill him.  
  
Was that so much to ask?  
  
***  
  
He had dreamed about the blue eyes and the death that they marked. The death that he so desperately wanted to join. He opened his eyes and looked around. This wasn't a place he remembered. Not that he remembered much, but the other places he at least knew that he should remember. This place wasn't one of them.  
  
He got out from all the blankets that had been on top of him and put his feet on the wooden floor. It took him a moment to realize that he wasn't the one swaying, but rather the floor. No wait, the whole room. To tired to feel sick, he made his way to the door, swaying with each movement of the room. He reached the door and walked up the stairs in front of him.  
  
Sunlight hit him full on, and he was forced to turn his head away. It took him awhile to adjust to the light and he could finally see.  
  
Blue. It stretched to all sides of him. He was on a ship in the middle of the sea! He moved to the railing in front of him but two voices made him turn.  
  
"Tani! I swear I will get you for this!"  
  
"Try it, Old Man." He turned and saw a pretty dark haired girl running up the ship in his direction. Green eyes flashed with mischief. Chasing her was a tall blond whose hair was almost silver. He also had green eyes, but unlike the girls these eyes resembled a cat.  
  
They had slit pupils and were slanted and as he ran past he could also see the tip of a pointed ear through all that hair.  
  
Now he was very confused. Suddenly he was picked up in a familiar grip. He turned his head and saw the blond from before; only his eyes matched those of the one who just ran by. Curious he shifted around in the grip till he was facing the man? And moved aside his hair. He had been right. The ears were pointed. The man shook his head when he tried to reach for the tips and he dropped his hand.  
  
"They're sensitive child."  
  
"I'm not a child." The other smiled.  
  
"To me you are, so no arguing. Now how do you feel?" The eyes grew serious and he briefly wondered what had happened to the gray eyes the man had before.  
  
"I don't know. I'm not sure what to feel."  
  
"Don't. Just exist for the moment and answer one question for me, right now, at this moment. Do you want to live?" It wasn't a threat and he didn't take it as one. He nodded his head.  
  
He didn't know what was going on, but the silence in his head needed to be filled, to be remembered.  
  
"Always and forever." It was the only response Kayah could give and it seemed to work. He again gazed out at the blue sea and wished he could remember what had been attached to those blue eyes. 


	3. Remember

Remember  
  
Ever since he had said that he would try to live he had wanted to take it back. But he wouldn't. No matter how much it hurt, he couldn't break that vow. His vow. He stared over the side of the railing and concentrated. The strange man had told him to try and regain what he had lost. The problem was, he didn't know what was missing. Blue eyes were the first things he thought of, but it had hurt. The pain had nearly sent him screaming, but no wounds were on his body. He had pushed the thought away and tried something else. But he couldn't think of anything else.  
  
He sighed and sunk to the deck, closing his eyes and listening to the sounds of the crew. He didn't know what was wrong with him, if anything. He felt fine, except things were missing in his mind. And heart.  
  
"Hey! Cheer up, life can't be that bad." He looked up and stared straight into green 'human' eyes. It was the girl from before. "The name's Tani, human mage and bonded of one of those arrogant, pointy eared creatures that surround us." She stuck out her hand and he took it.  
  
"Kayah. Everything else, not sure." She nodded her head in understanding.  
  
"Lukian told us some of your situation. Tough to lose someone you love." She paused and studied his face out of the corner of her eye.  
  
"Any questions I could help with?" He nodded and waved a hand at the crew.  
  
"What are they?" She laughed, a very pleasant sound.  
  
"They're elves, well, the good ones at least." He looked at her blankly. "They are immortal beings who can be a complete pain. All have the blond hair, green cat eyes and pointed ears. All are beautiful and tall, but are completely lost among humans. It's actually kinda funny. The abilities they have going for them are magic, music and their lovely ability to do something we call 'kenning'. It duplicates an object exactly. They cannot create, but can expand on anything humans create."  
  
"They can't create for themselves? What's the point then? It would get awfully boring if they lived forever with nothing new."  
  
"That is why they have us. We are their imagination. Also, we can handle things they can't, like iron, which burns them, and a food ingredient called 'caffeine'. It sends them into 'dreaming'. Easiest explanation for that is like a drug or alcohol induced state that they can't come out of. Very deadly and to much can kill them."  
  
"They may be pretty, but they sound like a lot of work."  
  
"That they are." She looked over at him, facing him fully. "What about you? Tell me about yourself." He looked down at the wood he was sitting on.  
  
"I don't know anything about myself." He whispered and she seemed to think this over.  
  
"Okay. Well let's think of something you do remember. I heard you respond to Lukian with 'Always and forever'. It sounded important, what did it mean?" Kayah thought hard about that one.  
  
"It's a vow, a promise I guess you would call it. I don't know where I got it from, all I know is that I can't break it." His eyes had turned inwards, focusing on those three words. He had used them before, for a promise that wasn't yet fulfilled. 'This land still needs you.'  
  
He shook his head. He couldn't go there right now. He looked back up at Tani and saw her watching him closely.  
  
"Have you used that promise before?" He nodded. "For what?" He thought hard, trying to remember.  
  
"Concentrate on the words, if that helps. What else was said when you spoke them?" He closed his eyes and remembered. 'Promise daddy?' 'Always and forever.'  
  
A tear went down his cheek. He remembered the little girl who shared his eyes. Something twisted inside him and he cried out. Tani was beside him in an instant, soothing him and he remembered. Tears flowed down his cheeks and soon the two weren't alone.  
  
Arms picked him up again and he knew whom he would see. He looked into the eyes of the elf that held him and whispered. "I want to see my baby again." He looked shocked for a moment.  
  
"Who would that be, child?"  
  
"My daughter, Leria." Speaking her name brought on a flood of memories. They hurt to remember, he was drowning in them. He closed his eyes and tried to let go, but the arms shook him and brought him back.  
  
"She deserves to be remembered. Tell me about her." But he couldn't, he could only relive it. He heard a voice, as if through water, talking to him.  
  
"Sleep now and remember." He drifted off and back, to a time a few years ago.  
  
***  
  
'She is your child! You are the father! Now you have to stay with me!'  
  
Kayah stared at the thin little girl with his eyes. She looked frightened and lonely. He tried to move towards her and a bit of hope seemed to appear in her eyes until her mother pulled her away from him. He glared at the woman.  
  
He had known she was obsessed with him, and admitted that he had thought that by sleeping with her, she would become bored. He had never guessed that she would give birth to his child in an attempt to keep him. It disgusted him, but he wouldn't leave 'his' daughter in her hands.  
  
'I'm not staying with you, and neither is she.' He reached out quickly and grabbed the girl, turning and walking away. His memories were aware of a white figure that guarded them from behind and helped him bring the girl back to the palace but he wouldn't go near those thoughts.  
  
He concentrated on the thin form curled up in his arms.  
  
'Do you have a name?' She shook her head and he barely refrained himself from cursing aloud. As it was his head was filled with things that were better left untouched.  
  
'Can I give you a name?' At her nod he smiled. 'Leria. It is your grandmother's name and she was a wonderful women.'  
  
'You like me?' He nodded.  
  
'I love you. Always and forever, I'll never leave you alone.' And he didn't. He went through life, always caring for her first. Teaching her, guiding her and loving her. He had a chance to spend two wonderful years with her, until her mother finally snapped.  
  
She had hired a man to poison Leria and he had succeeded. Kayah killed them both for that, but it wasn't enough to save his daughter. Her mother had left her alone, but he wouldn't. For the next month he had stayed by her bed, only moving when absolutely necessary. He had seen her suffer, watched her die day by day.  
  
'I don't want to be alone daddy.'  
  
'You won't be, I'll always be near.'  
  
'Promise daddy?'  
  
'Always and forever.' Her eyes had closed that day and she died, but she was smiling, knowing she wasn't alone. He had buried her that day and every year he had gone to remember her. He would always remember her.  
  
Always and forever.  
  
***  
  
Lukian waited until he was completely in the memories until he focused on those who crowded around him. Elves were very protective of the young, having so few themselves. So to feel this one in so much pain, hurt them deeply.  
  
"He looks too young to be a parent, Luk."  
  
"I know, but he is human and their looks can be deceiving. I wish I knew what had happened to his child though. Why it would hurt to remember her, if he loved her so much."  
  
He looked down at the young human in his arms, wishing he could hear what was going on inside his head.  
  
A cry of anguish came out and another elf reached reflectively to try and comfort. Lukian let him. Keigh had spent more time among humans than any of them because of his bond to the human Tani. Both were very good with children, no matter how much they acted like them.  
  
They stood in silence as they felt the pain grow. In a way it was a blessing that he didn't feel this or remember it when he was conscious. He didn't think any of them could handle it.  
  
Kayah soon relaxed in his arms and then opened his eyes. He looked around him and then up at Lukian. Azure eyes met gray and Lukian was startled by how old they looked.  
  
"I laid her to rest that night. She was dying and I couldn't save her. Her mother didn't want her, wouldn't stay with her, but I couldn't abandon her, I couldn't let her die alone. I had promised I would be with her, stay with her. Always and forever."  
  
He moved out of Lukian's arms and away from them. They let him go. They understood partially the pain he was in. The pain to watch your own child die and to have to bury them, place them in the cold earth all alone.  
  
Lukian knew that when he was ready, he would tell them the whole story. 


End file.
